Hail Caesar!

I spent a lot of quality time on the couch watching TV over the last week and a half, not solely the consequence of sloth, but also due to a wretched cold. My high degree of domesticity gave me the chance to reflect on a few things I would change, if I could rule by fiat:

1. Institute well funded research into textiles to make the world safe for clothes dryers. Here we are in the twenty-first century and we still have to check labels to see which garments require dry-cleaning, hand-washing, line-drying, and other labor-intensive treatment.
2. ... and a similar research program for glassware, ceramics, and other gustatory implements, to make the world safe for dishwashers.
3. Improved V-chip support so that the nightly news can be the minor-tragedy-free news.
4. A jobs program specifically targeting people who work in the telemarketing industry so that they can do something more productive with their lives.